I've read a few devitionals this week that have been so convicting. They are all from my Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers. If you feel lead, read the one listed below (I inserted some of it). Let me tell you, sometimes Rob and I joke with each other and say, "some days I'd just like to be a pagan." We are totally kidding, however, it is rough to realize how unworthy and ungodly we really are, but I praise God for the convictions.
Spiritual stubbornness is the most effective hindrance to intercession, because it is based on a sympathetic "understanding" of things we see in ourselves and others that we think needs no atonement. We have the idea that there are certain good and virtuous things in each of us that do not need to be based on the atonement by the Cross of Christ. Just the sluggishness and lack of interest produced by this kind of thinking makes us unable to intercede.
Am I stubborn or substituted? Am I spoiled or complete in my relationship to God? Am I irritable or spiritual? Am I determined to have my own way or determined to be identified with Him?--
Okay, let me tell you this morning I wanted to sleep in, then get up and clean. Rob had a meeting to attend from 8-12 this morning, and we let the boys stay up late hoping that they'd sleep. I know, crazy, it never works, but it was a try. Well, of course Austin was up bright and early. And he is a child you can not leave up alone for any length of time, he is a "wild child". At any rate, I got up, well, then it just seemed they were all extremely needy this morning. I was horribly grouchy with them. Then Jordan, stomped out the door and said "I'm getting out of this house, anything is better than this!" Wow, that is horrible. I called him back and he didn't go anywhere. I had to do some quick re-evaluation of myself at that moment. It was all because things did not go MY way, and I was not happy about it, and I decided that everyone else would have to suffer also. WOW, the Holy Spirit had put a check in my life today. It was totally inexcusable behavior, just downright selfish, I was idolizing myself, and was most definately not bringing glory to God with my behavior. I was being irritated not spiritual. I quick repented of my evil ways, and then the day was fine.
Rob decided to take the boys fishing, and I considered staying home to get some things done. I had one quick errand to run, before he could take them, and when I was out, Zach picked up the bathrooms, made my bed for me and even "cleaned" the toilets, just so I could go with them. What a great family I have. I praise God that he has so much grace and mercy on me, even though I am so unworthy. I'm glad he has chosen me as one of his, and holds me in his hand. My prayer is that I nevet get content to just be the way I am, but to be constantly growing in his grace. I am determined to be identified with Him.