It has been a crazy few days. I thank God that he was with me through all the happenings of the past 2 days. I've had a peace that I've never had through trauma like this. It is so wonderful to know God in such an intimate way. He is so very faithful to us.
My sister was 12 weeks pregnant. It was a total miracle. She was told never would she become pregnant. Well, on late Tuesday night, early Wednesday morning she lost the baby. It was horrible. Here is the kicker....it is a result of being sexual abused her entire life, by many people in our family. UGH!!! It makes me angry. I tried to talk to my family, to let them know what had happened, and they deny that the abuse would cause her to miscarry this baby (this was confirmed by the medical professionals that cared for her during this event). I was not very happy with them to say the least. I had to tell my mother that until she admitted the abuse happened and got help, I could have nothing to do with her because she is not a safe person. Now, I have truly forgiven her, with God help, however, I have the responsibility to protect my family. My sister, bless her heart, is doing well considering all the events of the past 2 days.
Well, needless to say, I was exhausted by the end of the day yesterday. I had to work 10am-2pm, not bad, but wow, I was exhausted. My wonderful husband, picked the boys up at 3 from school and took them fishing. I just knew that I'd be a bear to deal with if I didn't get a nap in. I just didn't want to be grouchy with the kids, I knew that I would be, and it was not their fault that I was tired. My poor little guys, have alot to deal with as far as our crazy family. I have had to be completely honest with my 2 oldest especially, that way they understand why we don't see Grandma and Grandpa. Jordan, immediately knew the reason for the miscarraige, when we told her that she had lost the baby. It is horrible to have to be so open with such a horrid thing, but it is for their best interest. Our doctor told us that Jordan especially needed to know because if by chance something should happen to us, he needed to be able to stand up and protect him and his brothers, in the case that my parents would try to take them. Crazy! I know. I'll tell you Jordan is a wonderful little guy. He was so concerned about my sister, he rode his bike over to her house just to check on her. Okay, enough of all that.
Life is good. God is so faithful. He has really helped me through these past 2-3 days. I have been able to sleep at night. I've felt his arms around me during this time. In the past things like this would send me into a frenzy, I would not be able to sleep and I'd be very angry. God is good. My boys have also been pretty peaceful through all this.
I'm going to go and figure out what we can do with the boys this evening. It is funny because in order to spend time with them, we have to leave the house. If not, we have all the neighborhood kids in the yard and house playing. Not a problem really, I just think we need some quality time together.