Some days I'd just like to be a pagan

I've read a few devitionals this week that have been so convicting. They are all from my Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers. If you feel lead, read the one listed below (I inserted some of it). Let me tell you, sometimes Rob and I joke with each other and say, "some days I'd just like to be a pagan." We are totally kidding, however, it is rough to realize how unworthy and ungodly we really are, but I praise God for the convictions.
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http://www.rbc.org/utmost/index.php?month=05&day=04&year=06

Spiritual stubbornness is the most effective hindrance to intercession, because it is based on a sympathetic "understanding" of things we see in ourselves and others that we think needs no atonement. We have the idea that there are certain good and virtuous things in each of us that do not need to be based on the atonement by the Cross of Christ. Just the sluggishness and lack of interest produced by this kind of thinking makes us unable to intercede.

Am I stubborn or substituted? Am I spoiled or complete in my relationship to God? Am I irritable or spiritual? Am I determined to have my own way or determined to be identified with Him?--
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Okay, let me tell you this morning I wanted to sleep in, then get up and clean. Rob had a meeting to attend from 8-12 this morning, and we let the boys stay up late hoping that they'd sleep. I know, crazy, it never works, but it was a try. Well, of course Austin was up bright and early. And he is a child you can not leave up alone for any length of time, he is a "wild child". At any rate, I got up, well, then it just seemed they were all extremely needy this morning. I was horribly grouchy with them. Then Jordan, stomped out the door and said "I'm getting out of this house, anything is better than this!" Wow, that is horrible. I called him back and he didn't go anywhere. I had to do some quick re-evaluation of myself at that moment. It was all because things did not go MY way, and I was not happy about it, and I decided that everyone else would have to suffer also. WOW, the Holy Spirit had put a check in my life today. It was totally inexcusable behavior, just downright selfish, I was idolizing myself, and was most definately not bringing glory to God with my behavior. I was being irritated not spiritual. I quick repented of my evil ways, and then the day was fine.

Rob decided to take the boys fishing, and I considered staying home to get some things done. I had one quick errand to run, before he could take them, and when I was out, Zach picked up the bathrooms, made my bed for me and even "cleaned" the toilets, just so I could go with them. What a great family I have. I praise God that he has so much grace and mercy on me, even though I am so unworthy. I'm glad he has chosen me as one of his, and holds me in his hand. My prayer is that I nevet get content to just be the way I am, but to be constantly growing in his grace. I am determined to be identified with Him.

To God be the Glory

I've lost 9.5 pounds. Yeah! I'm pretty excited about this. I've also pretty much redefined my goal. It is now to only loose about 20-25 more pounds. I don't have a desire to be to entirely skinny, as I have never been. I've lost a pant size, which is great for me. So, to get to the desired size, I need only loose 20-25 pounds more. At least, that is what I'm guessing. I'm pretty pleased with the progress that I'm making also, I didn't want to loose to quickly, I really was aiming at a change in lifestyle. I feel God has definately helped me so much with my attitude towards food. I feel it is an addiction, just as smoking or anything else. God has helped me in this way. I really consider what I'm eating and when I'm eating. I've been eating when I'm hungry, and not much eating just to eat. Now, let me tell you that I'm not perfect with this, however, it is much better than before. I used to eat a candy bar, just becasue I wanted to, not for any other reason. I had such an addiction to things such as candy and sweets, I was buying them everytime I was in the grocery, just because they were there. That is horrible, I was wanting to satisfy my carnal self, and this was definately not bringing glory to God. Well, I do feel that God has helped me so much in this area of my life, to God be the glory for this.

We've decided.....

to start attending the church in New Castle. Today, my friend took Jordan and I. Rob had a prior commitment, and the 2 younger boys spent the night with my sister, so they went to church with her. It was a good service. The message was great. Very biblical. I think we will learn alot from this church.

Rob talked to the pastor of the church we'd been attending. He was wonderful. He said he knew we wouldn't be there forever, and that he was glad that we'd been there while we were. That church was also great for us. We needed some place to go to church, and we learned alot from them also. God has a great big plan for us, and of course we can't see the end, we are just taking one step at a time as He leads.

Today in the service the pastor made this comment. "The better you think you are, the less you think of Christ." Ouch!! Isn't that the truth. Unless you admit that you are a sinner, each and everyday, you will forget how AWESOME that the sacrifice that Christ made is. To me the comment meant, and this is from my experience. The better I think that I am, the farther away from Christ I am. He said lots of "wow" things this morning, at least for me.

You will love this one. This is not really a spiritual thought, but I've just got to share it with you. I had a coupon for Lane Bryant, for $15 off a $15 purchase. Now, I get coupons all the time, but usually they are like $25 off a 75$ purchase and stuff like that. Okay, that is not that great, so when I got the $15 coupon, I had to use it. Well, it was going to expire today, and I had to work this evening. Well, my husband offered to go to the store for me and use the coupon. I gave him my size, and an idea of what I wanted. I just wanted jeans capris or something like that. Well, he did it. He said the ladies in the store were amazed at him, because "their husbands wouldn't even dream of doing that for them." Well, he purchased 2 pairs of the same style crop pants, just 2 different sizes. It was great, I was able to get new pants, and use my great coupon. What a great guy! Are you jealous?! JK! Have a blessed week.

Crazy Mom

Okay, you'll not believe this. I thought Zach's birthday was yesterday and it is actually TODAY!!! Now, let me tell you why I have such a problem with this birthday. Zach was due on May 3, and the enitre pregnancy I thought: "I'm going to have this baby on April 28". I did go into labor on the 28th but didn't deliver him until the 29th. Okay, so can you see my confusion. I know, I know, absolutely no excuse right!? At least I don't think it is later that it is, that would be real bad. So, today, on his birthday we are having a little party. I just had to share this commical story. I guess it is true also, that you DO in fact loose brain cells with each pregnancy.

Random thoughts of the day

What beautiful weather we've been having. I love the spring. It does affect my allergies, but hey, it is beautiful. The grass is green, the trees are budding, and the magnolia trees are at their peak. What beauty in God's creation. It makes me think of why all things were created, and that is to bring glory to God.

I can't believe that Zach will be 7 on Friday. Wow!!! To think that 7 years ago I was walking miles and miles each day to prompt labor to begin. I think I walked more in the month of April that year, than ever in my life. It sure made delivery somewhat easier. If easy is even a word you can use about delivering a child. What a joy that day. I'll be honest and say I was worried about having another boy, because I did want a girl, and I'd heard so many stories of people have severe depression when they'd have the 3 same sex child. Well, all my fears were wiped away when they showed me the beautiful baby boy #3. He was perfect. I didn't have a name for him, but not a moment of sadness came over me when he was born. God knew I needed another boy. How blessed I am to have 3 boys. Our heavenly Father is so wonderful and knows just what we need and when we need it.

We have had some wonderful devotional times with the boys. We are reading the book of John right now. It is quit fun. They all love to follow in their Bibles, and read aloud Gods word. It is fun when a verse jumps out at them and they grab a highlighter and mark it in the Bible. What a great sight to behold.


Today I rode in the car with my manager and another employee for 4 hours (round trip) to go to a "Rewards Luncheon". It was a nice time. I was sad to me though, they are both unbelievers and their philosophies about life are so "wordly". It just was sad to me at times. Now, they were not vulgar, or hateful or anything like that, it was just such a "its all about Me" thought process. Not even that they are completely self centered. It just made me realize how blessed I am to be "born again", because if it were not for the Grace of God, I'd be the same way. Now, I don't say that in a prideful way by any means, I just thank God that he chose me. I don't deserve it any more than the next person, but I'm sure thankful for it. I pray that I can show them Christ each day, and they'd be drawn to Him. Enough rambling about that, I am having a hard time expressing my thought on it.

Tonight we went the the church we visited on Sunday. (see my Sunday post for it's website if your interested in checking it out). It was a great Bible study. We definately STUDIED the Bible. My mind didn't wander at all (which is a miracle for me). They boys enjoyed the classes they had and they learned some great stuff. We are still praying about the decision we need to make.

Well, I really need to get up at 5 a.m., so tata for now.

Airborne Jordan and Zach

On Monday Rob bribbed the 2 little ones to clean their room before I came home from work. He told them if they got it done, we'd have a "picnic" outside. We ate outside. We enjoyed the evening with the boys enjoying the beautiful weather. I even jumped with them for a while. Not long, I'll tell you, but I did it. I couldn't help but laugh and then I felt like I'd wet myself. (thanks to 3 kids) It was great fun though. 

Airborne Austin

 

Jordan with his bass

Jordan loves to fish. He caught a bass in the pond at the park. It was a great time spent with the boys. They love fishing and playing at the park. 

Austin---what a hunk!

 

Toad driving boat!

This boy at the park was playing with a remote control boat, and they all decided to stick the toad in the boat and ride it around the pond. It was quit commical. To the children and the adults alike. 

Close up of Toad

 

Zach and his toad

This toad that the boys caught just suctioned itself onto Zachs hand. He wanted to bring it home. Sorry, not that nice of a Mom. 

Zach in the weird swing at tha park

 

Spinning Zach

WE spent the afternoon on Saturday at the Greenville park. This is one of the new amusements for the kids. It was this "thing" (love the technical term) that just spun around and around once you got in it. Zach sat in that thing for at least 10 minutes just spinning and giggling. What fun. 

Zach spinning

 

Zach trying to get out of the "spinning thing" 

Beautiful Spring Sunday

Well, Rob is visiting a different church this evening. It is like 45 minutes from us. It is a Southern Baptist Church, Founders-Friendly. We are currently attending a non-denominational church. It is a good church. It was a great place to call home while we worked through our doctinal changes. We are currently considering changing churches. We are looking into SBC, Founders-Friendly churches. There is one here in UC, however, we wanted to see what a larger, more established church is all about. God has been so good to us through all these changes. He shows us more each day. When we left the organization we were a part of, we didn't want to join a "denomination" at that time. We want to follow God through all this. Like, I said he continues to reveal truths to us each day. I'll have to say, one thing we were and still are trying to avoid is a "legalistic" church. We just left one of those. Please help us pray concerning this matter. Here is the website of the church we visited. http://www.ncmbc.org/ Oh, yeah, we all went this morning. It was nice. However, the pastor was not there. He evidently was at a Reformed Theology Convention. The people were friendly, and went on and on about how they loved their pastor. They all told us, "you have to come back and hear our Pastor." So, Rob went tonight. We didn't go with him, Jordan had a friend who was already planning to go to our current church with him so they rode the church bus. Austin and Zach were at a b-day party, and didn't get home until 5 ish. We only have 1 car, so that is that. Oh, I really didn't want to ride the bus with 60 kids. UGH!!!! I'm getting old, can't handle it too well.

Austin, Zach and I rode our bikes to McDonalds for an ice cream. It was a absolutely beautiful day to ride bikes. It was a nice ride, well, overall. We had a few set backs, but we made it. It is about 1 mile one way, so it was approximately 2 miles. No complaints. They problems we encountered:
1.) Austin's chain fell of the bike 1/2 way to McDonalds. Luckily we were close to Jordan's friends, at which Jordan's bike was. We just got it. The seat was a little too high. We stopped at the Fire Department, and they lowered the seat for us.

2.) While at the fire department for Austin's seat problem. Zach chain fell off. They fixed that too. So other than that. We made it both ways, all of us are still alive. Thank God for small miracles.

Enough of my ramblings. Have a blessed week. I'm off to do laundry. Fun huh!

Weight loss update

WOOHOO!! Is all I can say. Now don't get too excited. I am just posting to say that I've not gained any weight, and am holding at the same loss of 7.5 lbs. Okay, now you ask why am I so excited about this. With the events of the week, I've kind of gotten off track with my diet, and I was quit worried that I'd gained weight. That is the reason for the excitement. This encourages me to get back on track.

Have a great weekend.

God is faithful

It has been a crazy few days. I thank God that he was with me through all the happenings of the past 2 days. I've had a peace that I've never had through trauma like this. It is so wonderful to know God in such an intimate way. He is so very faithful to us.

My sister was 12 weeks pregnant. It was a total miracle. She was told never would she become pregnant. Well, on late Tuesday night, early Wednesday morning she lost the baby. It was horrible. Here is the kicker....it is a result of being sexual abused her entire life, by many people in our family. UGH!!! It makes me angry. I tried to talk to my family, to let them know what had happened, and they deny that the abuse would cause her to miscarry this baby (this was confirmed by the medical professionals that cared for her during this event). I was not very happy with them to say the least. I had to tell my mother that until she admitted the abuse happened and got help, I could have nothing to do with her because she is not a safe person. Now, I have truly forgiven her, with God help, however, I have the responsibility to protect my family. My sister, bless her heart, is doing well considering all the events of the past 2 days.
Well, needless to say, I was exhausted by the end of the day yesterday. I had to work 10am-2pm, not bad, but wow, I was exhausted. My wonderful husband, picked the boys up at 3 from school and took them fishing. I just knew that I'd be a bear to deal with if I didn't get a nap in. I just didn't want to be grouchy with the kids, I knew that I would be, and it was not their fault that I was tired. My poor little guys, have alot to deal with as far as our crazy family. I have had to be completely honest with my 2 oldest especially, that way they understand why we don't see Grandma and Grandpa. Jordan, immediately knew the reason for the miscarraige, when we told her that she had lost the baby. It is horrible to have to be so open with such a horrid thing, but it is for their best interest. Our doctor told us that Jordan especially needed to know because if by chance something should happen to us, he needed to be able to stand up and protect him and his brothers, in the case that my parents would try to take them. Crazy! I know. I'll tell you Jordan is a wonderful little guy. He was so concerned about my sister, he rode his bike over to her house just to check on her. Okay, enough of all that.

Life is good. God is so faithful. He has really helped me through these past 2-3 days. I have been able to sleep at night. I've felt his arms around me during this time. In the past things like this would send me into a frenzy, I would not be able to sleep and I'd be very angry. God is good. My boys have also been pretty peaceful through all this.

I'm going to go and figure out what we can do with the boys this evening. It is funny because in order to spend time with them, we have to leave the house. If not, we have all the neighborhood kids in the yard and house playing. Not a problem really, I just think we need some quality time together.

My Testimony

Hello to all. This is the testimony of what God has revealed to me and my husband in the last year and a half. I wrote this to respond to my friends letter question regarding our leaving the UPCI. It started just as a totally non-confrontational letter, and this is what I ended up with. I decided to turn it into my testimony, and just enclose it along with a personal letter. I just wanted to share it with my blog friends. Please let me know what you think of this. We have come such a long way, from being totally leagalistic to being free in Christ. I just so much want my friends to see what God has revealed to me, which I know he must open there eyes to this also.

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I’d like to share with you my testimony of how God has changed my life. I hope you will take the time to read this. I do not expect you to understand the decision that we’ve made as a family. We are all (Rob, myself and the boys) extremely happy and comfortable with the decision that we’ve made. God has been so faithful to us through this transition. It is difficult for us knowing that many from our former faith family do not understand the changes that God has brought about in our life. We did consider this cost, however, we felt it was a price worth paying. It was a decision that we did not take lightly. We prayed and sought God’s face for nearly a year before we made the final decision. I will say, we have absolutely no regrets about this decision.

This is how it all began . We had an extremely large children’s/youth ministry at our church. We ministered to an average of 80 children/youth per week. We started to ask ourselves these questions: What is absolutely essential for salvation? What do we have to teach these children is essential for salvation? We began to pray and seek God for the answers. Rob and I just read our Bible and prayed for God to reveal things to us as he saw fit. He sure did, one thing after another, as we were ready to accept them. We did not talk to anyone about these things. We did not question anyone in the UPC, because we knew all the answers, we had been taught them our entire life and had been teaching them for 8+ years. We also did not seek counsel with those from the other side, we did not want to be swayed by either side. It was totally between us and God. We just searched the scriptures and prayed for God’s direction. He showed us so much and continues to show us each day. There came a point after almost a year, that we could not longer be a part of the UPC, because we felt we could not belong to an organization that we did not agree with wholeheartedly.

When we left, there were some untrue things said about us. That is fine. I hold no hard feelings towards anyone for this. God knows the truth and he knows our hearts. There are still those who will turn away from me in public, rather than have to speak to me, and that is fine also. I do not judge them, I can not say that I would not have done the same in this given situation. Again, let me say I harbor no hard feelings towards anyone at all from our former faith family.
God is so real to me, more than ever before. I feel like I have a closer relationship to Christ than ever before. I just realized (God revealed to me the true gospel) that nothing I could do, or had done made me worthy of salvation. If I say that you have a lists of steps to follow in order to earn salvation, do I take away the work done at Calvary? I believe the answer is “yes.” No steps that I can take on my own, or things I could do can bring salvation. If I have to work for it, is it a “free gift”?!

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith, and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God, not by works so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9

If I thought I was “holy” enough and could do enough good and live a “holy“ enough life, then I would be taking away from the work that was done at Calvary. Jesus Christ was sent to be sin for us, so that we could be counted righteous by the work that he did on Calvary.

“God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” 2Cor. 5:21

How are we counted righteous? By grace alone, through faith alone, in Christ alone. Totally separate from works. Christ’s righteousness is “imputed” or “counted” to our account at faith in Christ. It is a legal transaction. It is that simple. Accept with faith Christ as the savior and Lord of your life.

“know that a man is not justified by observing the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ. So we, too, have put our faith in Christ Jesus that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by observing the law no one will be justified.” Galatians 2:16

Because of my faith in Christ and the work he did, I am counted righteous. Nothing can be counted against me. No good work I do or act of holiness, can take the place of what Christ did that day. Now, does this mean I live in sin? I’ll tell you I strive more than ever to be more Christ like each day. I just don’t place my trust in the “good works” and “holy living” that I do any longer, or the things I abstain from doing. We are not saved by works, but by faith in Christ.

“However, to the man who does not work but trusts God who justifies the wicked, his faith is credited as righteousness.” Romans 4:5

I don’t stand in fear that if God returns today for his bride, will I make it? What if I’ve not been good enough that day?! I have a peace that I’ve never had before. It doesn’t come from my works or my holiness either.

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.” Romans 5:1

How are we justified (made right)? Through faith in Christ alone. I no longer worry about my “account”, it is covered by the blood. When God looks at me, he simply sees the blood. Not the good or the bad things I’ve done. Not the holy way I’ve lived my life. He simply sees the blood that was applied to my account. How was the blood applied to my life/account? By faith in Christ. Not by a list of things that I had done. Simply faith in Christ alone.

“That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord”, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. Romans 10:9-10

Again, let me say that I believe if you are truly saved you will “produce” good works/fruits. Good works or holy living is not essential to earn salvation but are a product of salvation.

“For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. Teaching us to say no to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, Titus 2:11-12

Now does this mean I am above sin, and am perfect? Not at all! However, I feel secure in the fact I’ve put my faith in Christ, and am covered by the blood.

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:11

I used to think this was “easy believeism”. I’ll tell you it is far from that. It is a much different walk with Christ that I have today. I do not depend at all on the things I do in my day to day life, or the things that I don’t do, in order to earn and keep my salvation. I totally trust Christ for the work he did. Again, let me say that although I may look totally different, my heart is more in line with Christ than ever before. I am more conscious of the things I do. I want so much to be a “good representative” of Christ. Not by how I look, but how I live my life. Am I perfect? Absolutely not, but I am striving, with the help of Christ to be better each day. Am I without sin? No? But on judgment day I’ll just plead the blood. Not guilty or innocent, just the blood. It has covered me, by my faith in Christ, it is that simple.

Let me close with this. This is my favorite scripture at the present moment. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. You who are trying to be justified by the law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace. Galatians 5:1 & 4

We have been saved to be free. We no longer have to live according to a certain set of rules. We are free in Christ. Now, again let me say, I do not believe this means you can live any old way. I believe a person who is truly saved will produce good fruits. These spirit produced fruits are not what qualifies us for salvation. You are only qualified by faith in the blood of Christ, and the work that was done on Calvary. The fruits are a product of your salvation. We will not be perfect, however, we have been justified (made right) by our faith. Let me tell you, from my personal walk, this is in a way much harder than the list of Do’s and Don’ts that I used to live by. I have to be sure I am in close relationship with Christ each day, because I no longer have this set of “rules” to look to. I can only look to Christ to help me live my life as an example for him.
Another thing that I’ve learned is that I am so unworthy of God‘s grace. I am not better than anyone because of the good things I’ve done, or that I do more than someone else, or even that I have faith, because saving faith is a gift from God. The only “measuring stick” is Jesus Christ, and how in the world can I ever be compared to him? He was absolutely perfect in every way. I can only put my faith in him and be justified through the work he did on Calvary.