I have a thought for the day. I am asking that my blog friends help me pray.

If you've read this blog at all you know I have 3 boys. They are all ADHD, along with their father. Austin has more problems with than the other 2. We've been travelling to Indy every couple of weeks to see a specialist. Well, Austin is now taking one medication in the am, one in the afternoon and one to help him sleep. Jordan is in the process of switching his meds. Austin also goes to therapy for anxiety.

Well, I've been wrestling with something lately. What in the world am I doing to my kids? Am I just choosing to medicate them, rather than train them. I know that they do have a real live problem, and they have excelled academically once they started the original medicine, so they may never be able to stop completley, nor do I plan that at all. However, I don't like giving Austin the afternoon meds at all.

Okay, I have been thinking. You know I am a sinner (saved by grace of course), my kids are sinners, we act like sinners. Why do I think that I can alter the sinful behavior that comes from the condition of their hearts with medication? Now, I know that they do better academically with the meds, but behaviorally not so much. There behavior will not change just by medicating them. I have to, with God's help, train them to accept who they are, and how God made them. He is the only one who can help us with the matters of the heart. God created them, and God doesn't make mistakes, so it is our job as parents to help them accept who our wonderful Sovereign Lord has made them. Please remember my family in your prayers. It is my desire to be a Godly parent, and train my children in Godly ways, to accept our "lot in life", not try to change it. I, however, have to learn to trust God with all things.

Okay, I think I may have gotten my thoughts out in some sort of order. I hope I've not totally confused anyone.

Just a few updates on my life lately. Not a lot going on but just some little stuff.

Austin has a goal of like 10-12 AR points for reading for the month of April, and as of last week he had 62 points already. When his teacher asked why he had so many points he said, "well, I can't sleep so I just read all night." Too funny! He is not kidding when he says that either.

Zach will be 8 years old this week. WOW!!! My baby. He is excited about this event. Also, he says he can't wait for school to be over, because then he'll be in 3rd grade. UGH!!!!

Jordan made the A-B honor roll this grading period. He was so excited when he got his grade card. We have a Honor roll breakfast Thursday morning. I will be attending that with him. He is thrilled.

I have been in a manager class for Subway this week. Most people wouldn't find it interesting. I do. Lots of number crunching.

We have made another church switch. It is good though. It has nothing to do with being "disgruntled". We really enjoyed the church we were attending, and learned so much from them. It was a great stop on our journey. We have been on this incredible journey for the last 2 years. God has lead us to such deep truths in his word. We feel extremely strong about the covenant between God and our family. The boys were a little unsure about it, they need constants, and this is something new. They did, however, enjoy church. We are thinking we have finally come to the end of our church journey, and we are hoping to be baptized and join this church. It is a little closer of a drive, it is 35 minutes vs. the 55 minute drive we did have. Again, it was not a change for bad reasons, we were so not upset about anything at the church we were attending, other than we wished we could have been more involved, but the distance was too much for that at this time. The church we've started attending is Christ Presbyterian-Richmond. It is a PCA church. We are really excited about this move.

Jordan and the doctor

Today I took Jordan to the doctor---again! At any rate, I just htought I'd share this little tidbit.
He is only 12--well, he'll be 13 in June, but he is 5'5.25" and 153lbs. WOW!!! Rob and I are only about 5'2-3". He is bigger all around than Rob was the day we got married. Isn't that funny.

We are going to try a new med for Jordan also. It is nice that he is old enough to answer all the questions for himself, well I do have a say so in this also, but he can truly answer how he feels. Also, how he gets frustrated with himself and the impulsive behaviour that he can control, and then feels much guilt afterwards.

A word of thanks.

Friday I wrote about having lunch with the boys. It was nice. I really didn't think much of it, other than the fact I used to do it once a week, now I think I've only been able to eat with them about 3 times this year. UGH!! At any rate, on Friday when Rob picked the boys up from school, Jordan came in the house. This is what he said. "Thanks Mom, for taking me to lunch it was nice." I was so touched. I guess I didn't really think it was that big of a deal to them. Evidently it really meant alot to Jordan that day, and I'm so glad he let me know. I asked Rob later if had told him to thank me, and he said no. So, that trully came from his heart.

I have great kids. God has so richly blessed me, to choose me to be their Mom.

I have been off the last two days, and no doctor appointments to travel too. It has been wonderfrul. I forgot how nice it is to have a day off through the week. Yesterday I spent the day cleaning, and doing laundry. I even sat down a read some, and watched a hallmark movie that I'd taped forever ago, and forgot about. It was a nice day. Oh yeah, I mopped the floor also. That might not sound like much, however, I don't usually do the floors. My dear husband ends up doing them. Ususally by the time I get my "cleaning" done, the good kind of cleaning, I am worn out, or it is time to pick up the kids or cook supper, and the floors get left behind.

Today I spent the majority of my day at the school with my boys. I went to luch with Austin and then part of his recess. Then off to Zach's class, where I sat in on reading time, and he read me a book, and then to lunch with Zach. Then off to the middle school for lunch with Jordan. I sat in his reading class for a while also. It was nice to spend time with the boys. I haven't had the time to do this school lunch thing in a while, because it seems when I'm off through the week, it is usually a booked up day.

Well, now to get some yard work before the sun goes done and it gets to chilly.

A Heavy Heart

My heart is heavy today. I don't even know where to begin. So I'll just try somewhere. S*e*x*ual abuse is a part of my exteneded family. This being, my parents and siblings. My father, is the worst of all perpetraters of this horrendous act upon a child. It was know growing up that one of my brothers had taken advantage of my sister, but when it was reported, supposedly it had stopped and was in the past so nothing was done. Well, in the here and now, my sister is feeling the affects of a lifetime of abuse by not only my brother but also my father and whomever else was allowed to violate her body, mind and soul. She is a very strong person, she is doing well, considering the events of her life. She is a survivor. I am so overwhelmed when I see where she has come from in the past 3 years. There were days in the begining, that she couln't even remember how to draw bath water for herslef, and I was there to help here through those times. She is amazing. She is strong. God has helped her so much.

She deals with many memories, daily, nightly, there are times she doesn't sleep much. As of late, she has remembered my children in her memories. My children were violated by my father. UGH!!!!! You can't even imagine how horrible this makes me feel. They were in my sisters care, and I do not hold her at fault considering the circumstnaces, and he was there, and he violated my children in the worst way. We have talked about this with them, they say they do not remember, and on one hand I don't wish them to remember. We called the police in the town where it happened, and they in turn have contacted socail services. Which is absolutely fine with me. I want something done if they ever remember, I will not let this go by without notice from me. Last week, they were questioned by a social services worker in our county on behalf of the county it happened, the boys say they have no memory. However, the social worker feels they do and just aren't ready to talk about it. I don't know what else to do, I feel so absolutely helpless in this. My boys are my life, and they have been hurt in the worst possible way, by a grandparent. I want this man stopped, because I'm sure at this very moment he is hurting some helpless child. My heart aches each and every time I see a story like the one of J*e*s*s*i*c*a L*u*n*s*f*o*r*d, and children like this. My heart is very heavy today, I am at a loss of what to do. I have talked with the school, I've talked with the boys doctors, so that we are all on the same page and if they ever feel like they need to talk they can. In some ways I wish they never have to deal with the memories, however, I need them to talk if they have memories.

I know the scripture that says: Romans8:28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[a] who[b] have been called according to his purpose. (ESV)
I know God is sovereign and in control of all things. I guess I am just greiving today, I feel so very heavy. My days are crazy. Some days I don't think much of it, somedays it consumes my thoughts. My moods are horrendous. Up and down. I am very overwhelmed by all of this.

I am sorry for the heaviness of the post. I just had to get these feelings off my chest today.

Just some fun fishing shots.

Jordan being silly. A bird of prey we saw driving through the park. And then of course our little Angel basking in the sun. Taking in all the sights and smells of fishing.

You can take the guns away from boys, but then they'll just make them. My kids are all boy. They love to play. They don't even need toys generally, they just make something up. On Friday, which I didn't get any pictures of, Austin made a "mini golf" maze out of the fire wood, and used a long branch for a club, and they found a softball that they used for the golf ball. It was a great use of imagination.

Look at the toasty marshmallows. (don't look at the dirty hands)

Its that time of year again!

Look what we did. The boys were on Spring break the week of March 26, and it was beautiful, so on my days off we went camping. It was alot of fun. Jordan and I set everything up. I was off on Thursday and Friday, Rob packed the van for us, we headed out and camped--me and 3 boys on Thursday, then Rob took a 1/2 day from work and came out around lunchtime on Friday. I had to work the weekend, so Rob and the boys stayed the night without me on Friday. It was a great time. I enjoyed the time with the boys. We rented a movie to watch on the portable DVD player on Thursday night, I wasn't real keen on being out alone, and letting everyone know it. So we hit the tent fairly early and watched a movie, cuddled up and went to sleep. I took the boys fishing on Friday. They had a great time. Oh, we did it all on Thursday. We even made a fire, and had smores after we ate. I am so glad I took them, I almsot didn't because it did get a wee bit chilly in the night. We just all stayed tight in our sleeping bags, and it was fine. The days were beautiful.