A word of thanks.

Friday I wrote about having lunch with the boys. It was nice. I really didn't think much of it, other than the fact I used to do it once a week, now I think I've only been able to eat with them about 3 times this year. UGH!! At any rate, on Friday when Rob picked the boys up from school, Jordan came in the house. This is what he said. "Thanks Mom, for taking me to lunch it was nice." I was so touched. I guess I didn't really think it was that big of a deal to them. Evidently it really meant alot to Jordan that day, and I'm so glad he let me know. I asked Rob later if had told him to thank me, and he said no. So, that trully came from his heart.

I have great kids. God has so richly blessed me, to choose me to be their Mom.

I have been off the last two days, and no doctor appointments to travel too. It has been wonderfrul. I forgot how nice it is to have a day off through the week. Yesterday I spent the day cleaning, and doing laundry. I even sat down a read some, and watched a hallmark movie that I'd taped forever ago, and forgot about. It was a nice day. Oh yeah, I mopped the floor also. That might not sound like much, however, I don't usually do the floors. My dear husband ends up doing them. Ususally by the time I get my "cleaning" done, the good kind of cleaning, I am worn out, or it is time to pick up the kids or cook supper, and the floors get left behind.

Today I spent the majority of my day at the school with my boys. I went to luch with Austin and then part of his recess. Then off to Zach's class, where I sat in on reading time, and he read me a book, and then to lunch with Zach. Then off to the middle school for lunch with Jordan. I sat in his reading class for a while also. It was nice to spend time with the boys. I haven't had the time to do this school lunch thing in a while, because it seems when I'm off through the week, it is usually a booked up day.

Well, now to get some yard work before the sun goes done and it gets to chilly.

A Heavy Heart

My heart is heavy today. I don't even know where to begin. So I'll just try somewhere. S*e*x*ual abuse is a part of my exteneded family. This being, my parents and siblings. My father, is the worst of all perpetraters of this horrendous act upon a child. It was know growing up that one of my brothers had taken advantage of my sister, but when it was reported, supposedly it had stopped and was in the past so nothing was done. Well, in the here and now, my sister is feeling the affects of a lifetime of abuse by not only my brother but also my father and whomever else was allowed to violate her body, mind and soul. She is a very strong person, she is doing well, considering the events of her life. She is a survivor. I am so overwhelmed when I see where she has come from in the past 3 years. There were days in the begining, that she couln't even remember how to draw bath water for herslef, and I was there to help here through those times. She is amazing. She is strong. God has helped her so much.

She deals with many memories, daily, nightly, there are times she doesn't sleep much. As of late, she has remembered my children in her memories. My children were violated by my father. UGH!!!!! You can't even imagine how horrible this makes me feel. They were in my sisters care, and I do not hold her at fault considering the circumstnaces, and he was there, and he violated my children in the worst way. We have talked about this with them, they say they do not remember, and on one hand I don't wish them to remember. We called the police in the town where it happened, and they in turn have contacted socail services. Which is absolutely fine with me. I want something done if they ever remember, I will not let this go by without notice from me. Last week, they were questioned by a social services worker in our county on behalf of the county it happened, the boys say they have no memory. However, the social worker feels they do and just aren't ready to talk about it. I don't know what else to do, I feel so absolutely helpless in this. My boys are my life, and they have been hurt in the worst possible way, by a grandparent. I want this man stopped, because I'm sure at this very moment he is hurting some helpless child. My heart aches each and every time I see a story like the one of J*e*s*s*i*c*a L*u*n*s*f*o*r*d, and children like this. My heart is very heavy today, I am at a loss of what to do. I have talked with the school, I've talked with the boys doctors, so that we are all on the same page and if they ever feel like they need to talk they can. In some ways I wish they never have to deal with the memories, however, I need them to talk if they have memories.

I know the scripture that says: Romans8:28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[a] who[b] have been called according to his purpose. (ESV)
I know God is sovereign and in control of all things. I guess I am just greiving today, I feel so very heavy. My days are crazy. Some days I don't think much of it, somedays it consumes my thoughts. My moods are horrendous. Up and down. I am very overwhelmed by all of this.

I am sorry for the heaviness of the post. I just had to get these feelings off my chest today.

Just some fun fishing shots.

Jordan being silly. A bird of prey we saw driving through the park. And then of course our little Angel basking in the sun. Taking in all the sights and smells of fishing.

You can take the guns away from boys, but then they'll just make them. My kids are all boy. They love to play. They don't even need toys generally, they just make something up. On Friday, which I didn't get any pictures of, Austin made a "mini golf" maze out of the fire wood, and used a long branch for a club, and they found a softball that they used for the golf ball. It was a great use of imagination.

Look at the toasty marshmallows. (don't look at the dirty hands)

Its that time of year again!

Look what we did. The boys were on Spring break the week of March 26, and it was beautiful, so on my days off we went camping. It was alot of fun. Jordan and I set everything up. I was off on Thursday and Friday, Rob packed the van for us, we headed out and camped--me and 3 boys on Thursday, then Rob took a 1/2 day from work and came out around lunchtime on Friday. I had to work the weekend, so Rob and the boys stayed the night without me on Friday. It was a great time. I enjoyed the time with the boys. We rented a movie to watch on the portable DVD player on Thursday night, I wasn't real keen on being out alone, and letting everyone know it. So we hit the tent fairly early and watched a movie, cuddled up and went to sleep. I took the boys fishing on Friday. They had a great time. Oh, we did it all on Thursday. We even made a fire, and had smores after we ate. I am so glad I took them, I almsot didn't because it did get a wee bit chilly in the night. We just all stayed tight in our sleeping bags, and it was fine. The days were beautiful.

Boy talk

The other day Zach looked very seriouslly at me very matter of factly and said.
"Mom, when I get big I hope God lets me be a millionare."
When I asked him why, I don't think I was quit ready for the response, in fact it just melted my heart. This is what he told me.
"Because, I can build an orphange, and buy all the kids toys to play with, and be nice to them." I was so shocked, I was just about in tears. I told him that was a wonderful plan, and hoped it would happen someday.

I'll tell you what, just when I least expect it, my kids come up with something like that.

I thank God that all my boys have some much compassion for the hurting in this world. I know that all of them will grow up and be a help to many people.

Yucky post turned good

I started to blog a yucky blog, in my mind it was coming. It was all about how I can't handle the life I'm living. My children are a mess, I'm a mess, I started to wonder why in the world I have my children, I felt I was not doing a good job with them this evening.

Then I clicked onto Heather's Blog, and I hear the song, It Is Well. (thank you Heather, for the music, you know sometimes I just turn the volume off, because my house is so confusing, but not tonight the volume was on) Uhh! I thought to myself, or let me resart that, the Holy Spirit put my heart in check. It is well, whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, it is well with my soul. I had to say a quit repentance prayer, and then I need to apologize to my family. Wow, I'm just thankful that the Holy Spirit is still working in my life. I love moments like this. Not, the grippy bad part, but the part where I still feel the Holy Spirit at work in my life.

Well, that is all for now. I just wanted to say that for today. I've really got some good things from today to share at a later time. My husband and I are needing to talk about some things before it gets too late.

Pizza anyone?!

I made this fun pizza for treats for the boys Wednesday Night Bible Study class.

It is just this:

*Rice crispy treat crust

*frosting--tinted for sauce

*gummy savers--red for pepperoni and cut up *green for green peppers

*Chocolate covered peanuts--sausage

*Sweedish fish--anchovies

*chocolate sprinkles--seasoning

*white icing squeezed from baggie--cheese

The kids think this is pretty cool. Just thought I'd share my creation.

I sit here almost in tears!

Yesterday at work we were all talking. Lisa, one of my co-workers was a manager at McDonalds, and is a very personable (is that a word?) person. Well, she was sharing how she learned in management training with McDonalds, that a good manager would know at least 3 personal things about each employee. Well, she asked me what I know about the people we were working with that day. Then she said, "here I'll tell you what I kow about you." Fine, I thought.
**Your husband used to be a Pastor
**Your had 2 different church buildings while he pastored.
**You have 3 boys.
**You are a good management person
**You are good at the office work
**Your kids are very important to you

She went on and on. They were all good things really. It was nice to hear some encouraging words. Then, later in the day I was thinking about what she'd said, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. She did not mention that she could see Christ in my life, or anything to that effect. It made me sad. It is my prayer that I can show Christ to my co workers, and I'm not doing a very good job of it.

Then last night at church we were continuing our video series from John Piper about fighting for joy. Well, he said something that was so awesome, and it is my prayer now. May we be like a tree with fruit that is so sweet that people would want to pick it and "taste and see" how sweet Christ is for themselves. (Okay, that was a poor rendering of that quote, but I hope you get what it means.)

Well, I must go to bed now. It is late and I have work in the am, and company coming in for the weekend.

The Holy Sprit: The ignored and misunderstood person of the Trinity.

Here is one of the many thoughts I got out of this weekend at church. Our Winter Theological Study was the Holy Spirit: The ingnored and Misunderstood Person of the Trinity.

Sometimes we forget that the Holy Spirit is the gift, not the gift giver. That was a great reminder for me.

I will try and elaborate more about the weekend later.

My poor Zach is sick

On Feb. 5th we took Zach to the doctor, and they gave him an antibiotic for strep. Actually, they offered to do the throat culture if we wanted, but my husband took him and he can't stand the thought of that, much less have to sit with Zach while it gets done, and also Zach seems to get strep about once a year, so the Dr. just treated him for it. His throat "looked like hamburger" the doctor said (isn't that a great mental picture). He then told Rob, if he doesn't get better in about 2 days bring him back and we'll do a test for Mono. Well, he seemed better. Then he started complaining about a tummy ache. I thought these few thoughts, 1-he is just hungry because he is not eating good, then 2-the antibiotic can sometimes give you a belly ache. Then, he was finished taking the antibiotic, and still complaining of the achey tummy. We took him back to the doctor last Monday, they did the test for Mono and it was positive. Poor kid, has had Mono this whole time and I didn't even know it. I felt awful. The doctor reassured us that we were not horrible for not taking him in again. He wasn't running a fever or anything. He just wasn't himself yet, nor is he still. He is still really tired, so he goes to bed early, and his tummy hurts sometimes. She told us to give him tylenol for the pain/uncomforableness and his body would work this out. So, he knows that he has to eat good, and get lots of rest. She said just be real aware of the complaints that he gives us. I guess in kids it is not uncommon for the spleen to become enlarged and fall down from its normal home, behind the ribs, and that can be dangerous when they are playing or anything. Zach's stomach felt fine she said. We were also told that he was not contagious unless he still had a fever, so we are past that. I guess that Mono is going around here right now.

I really am begining to wonder if the other 2 boys have this also. They have some of the same symptoms. We were told it was a virus, no meds will help, just have to build up their immune systems.

I am just praying that Rob and I don't come down with this. I think it is much harder on adults than children.

My schedule

I just want to share with you my crazy life schedule, starting with sometime last week.

Monday I worked the evening, and was supposed to work Tuesday evening. Therefore, I budgeted my time, chores and errands accordingly. Well, Monday night, a girl from work called in and wasn't going to make it to work at all that week, she was going to have surgery on Friday, and her surgeon took her off work. Okay, so I worked Tuesday day instead of evening. Sounds good right? Wrong. See, I planned my days according to my schedule. Well, the things I didnt' get done on Monday, because I was going to do them Tues, they didn't get done.

Then I was scheduled to work 8-3 Wed, and of course because this poor girl was sick, I then had to go in at 6 am. The thing she was scheduled to do on Wednesday, only her and I know how to do it, so I did it. That made me work from 6a-3p. Thursday was Austin's field trip, so I ended up staying home from church on Wed, because the house was an absolute disaster, and I knew I wouldn't be home on Thursday, and Friday I went to be with my friend before her surgery, then to the gorcery, then home to get food prepared for church that evening.

Our church had a Winter Theological Study this weekend. Church on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I also had to work this weekend. So Friday I prepared my food for both Friday and Saturday's pitch in at church. We went to the study on Friday, got home, went to bed, got up for work, worked until 2:30, left for church at 3:15, got home about 11pm, went to bed, got up for work on Sun., went to church and then back to work to finish my duties. I got home yesterday evening about 6, ate pizza with my boys, just sat and relaxed with them.

This week goes something like this. Today, I worked the evening. Which was good I was able to clean the house, and get laundry done. Tuesday Austin and I go to Indy for "Coping Cat", and then I work the evening. (I messed my schedule up this week, so I have an extra evening in there) Wednesday I work 6a-3p, and then church. Thursday I work the evening, and then Friday I work the morning, and get off at 2pm. YEAH!!!!! I am off this weekend. I am so looking forward to the weekend. I think I'm going to try and get a sitter for the boys on Friday and go on a date with my hubby.

Does anyone see why the lack of posting lately. I just can't keep up with everything. I do read others blogs, and sometimes comment, but most days I just don't have time to blog myself.

Well, I hope you all have a blessed week.

Field trip pictures

A few more pictures. I am so glad I was able to go on the field trip with Austin. I haven't been able to go on many with him, and I promised this one. I was a LONG bus ride. 2 hours each way, but we had a good time. He is such a funny little guy. He was so sweet, he had $$ to spend at the gift shop. Well, he bought a key chain and a marble carved dog, then he wanted to buy for his brothers. So we picked pencils, then he kept shopping, he was wanting to purchase something for our neighbors. I thought it was pretty sweet, and he picked an Indiana Magnet for the fridge. We haven't yet given it to them, but I'm sure they will enjoy the thought. They could be great grandparents to my kids, and they are so very kind. I was touched by Austin's thoughtfullness.

More field trip pictures

A few more pictures of the field trip. The window is at the top of the state house. It is absolutely beautiful. Austin is sitting at the desk of a State Representitive.

Visit to the State House

I went on a field trip with Austin on Thursday. It is was alot of fun, and very interesting. We visited the State House in Indianapolis, and then to the State Museum. Austin and I hung back from the group we were with, because he enjoys reading the information and really looking at things. Of course I couldn't speed him up. I had some mental notes, that I was going to post with these pictures, but guess what, I've slept since then.

Before the Throne of God above.

We bought this cd this weekend while at the Christian Bookstore. It was one of those perk buys, I think we paid $4.00 for it. Wow, was it worth it. It is pretty much like every other Selah Cd, (which is good) however, there is an AWESOME song on it. It was kind of comical when we listened to it, because Rob went crazy. He has been trying to find this song for sometime, of course he didn't know the name or the artist when he heard it on the radio. So, needless to say, he was pretty excited about this purchase.

The song is, Before the Throne of God Above. The words are below.

Before The Throne of God Above Words and Music by Vikki Cook, Charitie Bancroft

Before the throne of God above

I have a strong and perfect plea.

A great high Priest whose Name is Love

Who ever lives and pleads for me.

My name is graven on His hands,

My name is written on His heart.

I know that while in heaven He stands

No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair

And tells me of the guilt within,

Upward I look and see Him there

Who made an end of all my sin.

Because the sinless Savior died

My sinful soul is counted free.

For God the just is satisfied

To look on Him and pardon me.

Behold Him there the risen Lamb,

My perfect spotless righteousness,

The great unchangeable I AM,

King of glory and of grace,

One in Himself I cannot die.

My soul is purchased by His blood,

My life is hid with Christ on high,

With Christ my Savior and my God!

© 1997 PDI Worship (ASCAP) (Adm. by Integrity’s Hosanna! Music) All Rights Reserved. Used by Permission. International Copyright Secured.

The words of this song absolutey say it all. For God my debt is satisfied, because of Christ. I can really go on and on about this. My heart, my soul lept inside me when I heard the words of this song, it ministered to my spirit so very much. Because of the perfect sacrifice that Christ made, my debt is satisfied, no longer counted against me. My life truly is his with Christ on high.

That is all I can say for now, I must go to work. Have a blessed day. If anyone can, please find this song, listen to this song and think of the words.

Look at these beautiful nails. My sister did them for me on Saturday. It was quit costly, $10.00 was it. I have NEVER had my nails done, ever. It was quit an experience. I am finally getting used to them today. Rob even liked them. He was teasing me about becoming a "high maintenance women".

Well, we had a nice weekend. Rob had to work because of the snow day they had this week. He was a little tired, but we still took the boys out. Austin and Zach each got new Bibles, which was the point of our trek out. We have been reading in our family worship from the NIV. It is a little easiser for the boys to understand. Also, as Rob reminded me yesterday, it was a means of grace for us, while we were leaving our former faith. God opened our understanding to the things that we read, through that translation. Okay, back tot he Bibles, I have an NIV and an ESV, as does Rob and Jordan has an NIV. We had bought each of them and NIrV, about 2 years ago, but they've outgrown that. We have a reformation study bible which is in the NIV, at that is what we've been using during our family worship time, so we figured that everyone needed one so that we could follow along as Rob reads to us. (really something for the kids to have in their hands also) Boy, were they excited. Zach said that he wanted one with a cross on the front, and hopefully it'd be blue, guess what that is what we found. And of course, Austin is now a big boy, so he wanted an more distinguished looking Bible, and he found it. They were both tickled pink about the new Bibles.

Well, then we took them out to eat. Which we haven't done in while. They have been asking to go to a Buffet, too funny huh! Well, we did. It was a fun time. You know at a buffet, they have great ice cream. That is of course the highlight for Austin & Zach, Jordan's is the meat selection.

Yesterday we had a nice Lords day. Church was wonderful as always. We talked to Pastor Charlie and Patti (his wonderful wife) for a while after service. It was nice. We really try and not take too much of their time, they are extremely busy, but it sure was nice to talk with them.

I have much more thoughts to post, however, because of our busy day saturday, and then that day started with such a heachace, I didn't do much housework, so I need to get it done today. Can't wait. LOL!! I have piles of clean laundry everywhere that need to be fluffed, and folded an put away. I also need to cook some chicken noodles for tomorrows dinner. Have a blessed day.

Fun day sledding